1. كل المواضيع تعبّر عن رأي صاحبها فقط و ادارة المنتدى غير مسؤولة عن محتوياتها
    إستبعاد الملاحظة

you have a joke post it here

الموضوع في 'English & French Archive' بواسطة fahmi alila, بتاريخ ‏26 سبتمبر 2008.

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  1. fahmi alila

    fahmi alila نجم المنتدى

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      26-09-2008 16:53
    it's AYOUDA who really made this idea so I decided to write this article which is consist on posting jokes in various languages ENGLISH FRENCH ITALIAN and any other language but not arabic please

    I have some, I'm gonna post them now

    and other one will be posted daily

    This article is produced by the most increddible team of english (ofcourse the members I have known in our forum)
    BRAVEXX
    AYOUDA
    Forrest Gump
    and unloco
    I'm waiting for you my friend to do your best and import jokes from everywher
    and of course the other members are free to join the team and post their joke
    ok see ya

    First joke which is a little bit long

    Purchasing a new bird
    After many years of marriage, a husband has turned into a couch potato, became completely inattentive to his wife and sat guzzling beer and watching TV all day. The wife was dismayed because no matter what she did to attract the husband's attention, he'd just shrug her off with some bored comment.

    This went on for many months and the wife was going crazy with boredom. Then one day at a pet store, the wife saw this big, ugly, snorting bird with a hairy chest, powerful hairy forearms, beady eyes and dribble running down the side of its mouth.

    The shopkeeper, observing her fascination with the bird, told her it was a special imported "Goony bird" and it had a very peculiar trait. To demonstrate, he exclaimed, "Goony bird! The table!"

    Immediately, the Goony bird flew off its perch and with single-minded fury attacked the table and smashed it into a hundred little pieces with its powerful forearms and claws! To demonstrate some more, the shopkeeper said, "Goony bird! The shelf!"

    Again the Goony bird turned to the shelf and demolished it in seconds.

    "Wow!" said the wife, "If this doesn't attract my husband's attention, nothing will!" So she bought the bird and took it home.

    When she entered the house, the husband was, as usual, sprawled on the sofa guzzling beer and watching the game. "Honey!" she exclaimed, "I've got a surprise for you! A Goony bird!"
     
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  2. fahmi alila

    fahmi alila نجم المنتدى

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      26-09-2008 16:57
    They're boasting about race records

    Some race horses staying in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record. "In the last 15 races, I've won 8 of them!"

    Another horse breaks in, "Well in the last 27 races, I've won 19!!"

    "Oh that's good, but in the last 36 races, I've won 28!", says another, flicking his tail.

    At this point, they notice that a greyhound dog has been sitting there listening. "I don't mean to boast," says the greyhound, "but in my last 90 races, I've won 88 of them!"

    The horses are clearly amazed. "Wow!" says one, after a hushed silence. "A talking dog."


    [​IMG]
     
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  3. fahmi alila

    fahmi alila نجم المنتدى

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      26-09-2008 17:14
    A frog calls a psychic

    Recently, the Psychic Hotline and Psychic Friends Network have launched hotlines for frogs. Here is the story of one frog and his discussing with his psychic.

    A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."

    The frog says, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?"

    "No," says the psychic. "Next semester in her biology class."​
     
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  4. fahmi alila

    fahmi alila نجم المنتدى

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      26-09-2008 17:16
    I Want to Buy That

    A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.

    The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.

    The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.

    Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.

    Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.

    To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes.

    The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?"

    The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!"


    [​IMG]
     
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  5. fahmi alila

    fahmi alila نجم المنتدى

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      26-09-2008 17:20
    Blonde Sky Divers

    A blonde and a brunette are skydiving.

    The brunette jumps out the plane and pulls the cord -- nothing happens.

    She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing.

    The blonde finally jumps out of the plane and yells "Oh! So you wanna race, huh?"​
     
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  6. AYOUDA24

    AYOUDA24 نجم المنتدى

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      26-09-2008 18:12
    Who is great? It's u
    Who is smart? It's u
    Who is sweetest? It's u
    Who is jolly? It's u
    Who is lying? Of course, it's me.

    [​IMG][​IMG][​IMG]
     
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  7. AYOUDA24

    AYOUDA24 نجم المنتدى

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      26-09-2008 18:15
    Why did you hit your husband with chair?
    "I couldn't lift the table
    "

    [​IMG][​IMG][​IMG]
     
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  8. fahmi alila

    fahmi alila نجم المنتدى

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      26-09-2008 18:40
    You should learn to be more polite

    One day, Bill and Tom went to a restaurant for dinner. As soon as the waiter took out two steaks, Bill quickly picked out the bigger steak for himself.

    Tom wasn't happy about that: "When are you going to learn to be polite?"

    Bill: "If you had the chance to pick first, which one would you pick?"

    Tom: "The smaller piece, of course."

    Bill: "What are you whining about then? The smaller piece is what you want, right?"
     
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  9. Abuyassine

    Abuyassine كبار الشخصيات

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      26-09-2008 18:57
    Mother : "Did you enjoy your first day at school ?"

    Boy : "First day? Do you mean I have to go back tomorrow ?"

    ******

    Headmaster : "I've had complaints about you, Johnny, from all your teachers. What have you been doing ?"

    Johnny : "Nothing, Sir."

    Headmaster : " Exactly."

    ******

    Girl : You would be a good dancer except for two things.
    Boy : What are the two things ?
    Girl : Your feet
     
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  10. Forrest Gump

    Forrest Gump كبير مراقبي منتدى الفرنسيّة و الانقليزيّة طاقم الإدارة

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      26-09-2008 19:23
    A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike
    English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

    'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.'

    'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'

    A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'

    Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether 'computer'
    should be a masculine or a feminine noun.

    Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

    The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora '), because:

    1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic,
    2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else,
    3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval,
    4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

    The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('el computador'), because:

    1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on,
    2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves,
    3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem,
    4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.


    The women won. :dance:
     
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