Funny you ask. I know what you are going through, since I've been there too. In most times it is triggered when I'm under a great deal of pressure but it could also manifest itself at any given time, just like that without warning my spirit goes down to meet its lowest point and I get this feeling like I'm not my usual self. definitely something has been shifted inside me and then reflected outwardly in my behavior. Those surrounding me can notice the change in my attitude too, and start asking me questions such as: " What could possibly bothering you?" Why you haven't seemed yourself lately?" knowing that there is absolutely something wrong with me
The problem is that I really can't open up to them because I, myself, don't know what came over me.
Sometimes when it gets out of control I might intentionally say something harsh that ,in my normal state of being, I would never want to upset them
Afterwards, once this overwhelming feeling of anxiety goes away I feel ashamed of how I treated them then. So, in order to clean up my mess, I reach out to them in attempt to make up for the harm I've done, hoping they could forgive me
At some point during these episodes I thought the best option is to set a perimeter around me like an imaginary boundary, by giving them some hints to remain away from me, believing that I am protecting them from my worst self
I thought by doing that, by pushing them away, I'm doing right by them, for their own good. At the same time, hoping that a complete withdrawal from social engagement can relieve my inner self, thus to help me to identify what is that's making my spirit in such vulnerable condition. and eversince I went cut off from the rest of the world my spirit just kept going backwards and eventually it drove everyone away, to find myself in a prison of my own creation
.Now I understand more than ever that isolating oneself from the world is not going to make this state of mind go away
I'm not pretending to be a specialist but I suspect it has something to do with low self esteem
Anyway it took me few years to get a handle on it. I found out that keeping myself distracted by doing various activities can lift my spirit
.As for me sports did the job, it helped me regaining my cheerful spirit again
.Perhaps a change of scenery can help you clear your mind
.If you can't fight your way out of this state of mind, then you should make peace with your worst self. Just embrace it.