EnGliSh jOkEs cOllEcTiOnS bY zribi-sat

الموضوع في 'التسلية العامة' بواسطة zribi-sat, بتاريخ ‏12 أكتوبر 2008.

  1. zribi-sat

    zribi-sat عضو

    إنضم إلينا في:
    ‏8 أوت 2008
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      12-10-2008 11:20
    The Ideas was to make hir
    all the jokes with english language

    SO I will start with ONE

    Always Beside ME
    man was walking across the road when he had an accident. The impact was on his head, which caused him to be comatose for two days before he finally regained consciousness. When he opened his eyes, his wife was there beside him.

    He held her hands and said meaningfully: "You have always been by my side. When I was a struggling University student, I failed again and again. And sometimes, even my re-papers as well. You were there beside me, encouraging me to go on trying..."

    She squeezed his hands as he continued: "When I went for all the major interviews and failed to clinch any of the jobs, you were there beside me, cutting out more adverts for me to apply...."

    He continued: "Then I started work at this little firm and finally got to handle a big contract. I blew it because of one little mistake. And you were there beside me."

    "Then I finally got another job after being laid off for some time. But I never seem to be promoted and my hard work was not recognised. As such, I remained in the same position from the day I joined the company till now... And you were still beside me... "

    Her eyes brimmed with tears as she listened to her husband: "And now I had an accident and when I woke up, you are here beside me...There's something I'd really like to say to you..."

    She flung herself on the bed to hug her husband, sobbing with emotion. He said, "You're a freaking jinx!"


    [​IMG]

    i hope from all to participate on this subject
     
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  2. zribi-sat

    zribi-sat عضو

    إنضم إلينا في:
    ‏8 أوت 2008
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    الإعجابات المتلقاة:
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      12-10-2008 11:23
    Be careful what you wish for

    Private Diary of a Viagra Housewife...
    Day 1

    Just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary with not much to celebrate.

    When it came time to re-enact our wedding night, he locked himself in the

    bathroom and cried.



    Day 2

    Today, he says he has a big secret to tell me. He's impotent, he says, and

    he wants me to be the first to know. Why doesn't he tell me something I

    don't know! I mean, he actually thinks I haven't noticed.



    Day 3

    This marriage is in trouble. A woman has needs. Yesterday, I saw a picture

    of Nelson's Column and burst into tears.



    Day 4

    A miracle has happened! There's a new drug on the market that will fix his

    'problem'. It's called Viagra. I told him that if he takes Viagra, things

    will be just like they were on our wedding night. I think this will work.



    I replaced his Prozac with the Viagra, hoping to lift something other than his mood.



    Day 5

    What absolute bliss!!.



    Day 6

    Isn't life wonderful but it's difficult to write while he's doing that.



    Day 7

    This Viagra thing has gone to his head. No pun intended! Yesterday, at

    Burger King, the manager asked me if I'd like a Whopper. He thought they

    were talking about him. But, have to admit it's very nice - I don't think

    I've ever been so happy.



    Day 8

    I think he took too many over the weekend. Yesterday, instead of mowing

    the lawn, he was using his new friend as a weed wacker. I'm also getting a bit

    sore down there.



    Day 9

    No time to write. He might catch me.



    Day 10

    Okay, I admit it. I'm hiding. I mean, a girl can only take so much. And to

    make matters worse, he's washing the Viagra down with neat whisky! What am I going to do? I feel tacky all over....



    Day 11

    I'm basically being screwed to death. It's like living with a Black and

    Decker drill. I woke up this morning hot-glued to the bed. Even my armpits

    hurt. He's a complete pig.



    Day 12

    I wish he was gay. I've stopped wearing make-up, cleaning my teeth or even

    washing but he still keeps coming after me! Even yawning has

    become dangerous...



    Day 13

    Every time I shut my eyes, there's a sneak attack! It's like going to bed

    with a scud missile. I can hardly walk and if he tries that "Oops, sorry"

    thing again, I'll kill the *******.



    Day 14

    I've done everything to turn him off. Nothing is working. I even started

    dressing like a nun but this just seems to make him more horny. Help me!



    Day 15

    I think I'll have to kill him. I'm starting to stick to everything I sit on.

    The cat and dog won't go near him and our friends don't come over any more.

    Last night I told him to go and **** himself and he did.



    Day 16

    The ******* has started to complain about headaches. I hope the bloody

    thing explodes. I did suggest he might try stopping the Viagra and going back on

    Prozac.



    Day 17

    Switched the pills but it doesn't seem to have made any difference!!!

    Here he comes again!



    Day 18

    He's back on Prozac. The lazy sod just sits there in front of the TV all day

    with that remote control in his hand and expects me to do everything for him.

    What absolute bliss!

     
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